The Road to ANAKA.

BOUND BY THOUGHT
THE LIFE CHRONICLES
By , PETER PALLIS

"Trust in wildness, regenerate in thought." - Peter Pallis

The Introduction.

"The world is bridal, it's thinkers, choking, Without evolution, without action, the mere thought becomes pale and dies." - Peter Pallis

Most musicians don't do what I've done here with "Bound By Thought." For most of them the music is enough. They express themselves through their music, they deal with what they need to deal with, and they let the music do all the talking.

I live for my music and in turn, my music lives because of me. It is after all my thoughts, beliefs, and experiences, all rolled up into a powerful form of artistic expression. But is it enough? Is writing music solely enough? Can I get everything out that I want to say? The answer is no, I cannot, and "Bound By Thought" is the spill over.

The Grind & The Glory
What is life but a chance at making the most of glorious moments? A chance to live, a chance learn, and a chance to create. It’s a chance to prove beyond a shadow of a doubt, that you were here, and that you existed. So few can see past the haze of their everyday lives, the regulations, the compromise, and the repetition, and yet although it is for a great cause that most endure this grind, like the father working nights to support his family, or mother working double shifts to feed her children, it is important not to loose sight of the more hidden picture.

The world is a wondrous place. In one place there is a storm, in another there is sunshine. In one place a man dies, in another a child is born. There are so many situations happening all around us, there are just too many to count and in the noise of the world, as the faces speed by, as the spoken words freeze, some remembered forever, while others fade as if they were never even spoken, as the memories are lost while others are created, can you really say that your life, your existence, isn’t anything but a miracle?

“I know what I am, and what I am is what I know” - Peter Pallis

How does one live well? One lives well by doing those things in life that he or she was born to do, by living up to ones gift, ones accomplishments, and ones potential. We are all born with this potential; every taken breath is an example of that. Still too many of us choose to ignore that potential and deny our responsibility to it. I for one am proud of facing grind. I have pushed myself to live up to my responsibilities with a great cause sharply in focus, treading, yet understanding, working yet still seeing the potential and growth in even the smallest moments. Still I have also lived to witness the glory of my own life’s work, my own life beliefs, and my own life’s creations. It has been said that in life we do what we have to, but it was never said that in doing what we must, we should forget our dreams in the process, and that we should forget the belief that we to can one day rise to even greater highs. A man without dreams is a man without blood.

I have seen the smile on my daughters face, I have stood on a stage in front of a sea of people, and I have heard them chanting the name that I have chosen to name my beliefs by. I have created, and I have fallen, and as I have fallen, I have learned and risen. I have built something from nothing, and I have turned a dream into a reality, many times over. I have seen love in the face of my family, and found friendship in strangers. I went from a child, to a man, to a father, and through the birth of my child a part of me has been reborn, and through her eyes I see the world a new. If that is not glory my friends, then I must be dreaming, and if life is but a dream then all I can do is remember that just as in life, even when dreaming, one can change aspect of their dreams if they truly want to. It is a practice that can be learned, you can control your dreams, you can learn to master the even in sleep. You can turn a nightmare into anything you want, it only takes learning, it only takes understanding, and it only takes a desire to do so. What is life? Life is millions of chances, each and every day, each and every moment, each and every second.

Hunger vs. Achievement.
It’s easy to want something, to need it, to visualize success, but are you being realistic and honest with yourself about what it really takes to truly suceed? Are you willing to make the true sacrifices, to do the work, and to face your weaknesses, and turn them into strengths? The bottom line is this, achievement is about improvement, it’s about being a realist.

We all have our own weaknesses, and yet we all know people who won’t cop to them. They rather toot their own horn so to speak, and sit back criticizing others who are out there making waves, working hard, and making things happen. People with dead dreams make for terrible audiences because they can’t bare to watch others succeed. It only reminds them of their own inability and laziness.

It is well known that many people are unwilling to even consider fact that they have weaknesses that they need to work on. They deny it, and proceed to alter reality instead of facing it. The sad part of it is in doing so, they shut the door on finding true success and reaching their full potential as if admitting to themselves that they aren’t prefect makes them feel inferior. The best way to kill a weakness is by understanding it. It’s about taking a weakness and turning it upside down, defining it, and learning how to overcome it.

For example, during the earlier parts of Michael Jordan’s career there were many critics who were skeptical of Jordan’s outside shooting ability. Sure he could take the ball to that basket and achieve unbelievable outcomes, but they would constantly state that his jump shooting had left a lot to be desired. Coaches knew they couldn’t stop him from getting to the basket, so they would tell their defenders to lay off of him and let him shoot the jump shot. Jordan being the competitor he was, took this as a challenge and worked diligently on his outside shooting for hours, and hours on end, eventually silencing the nay -sayers making himself virtually impossible to defend on the basketball court. He never let his ego get in the way. Did it hurt hearing the criticisms? Maybe, did he recoil and run from the challenge in hopes protecting a weak sense of self? Did he fear the reality of it? NO, he proved himself time, and again until there was nothing about his game left to criticize. He wasn’t afraid to take it in, he wasn’t afraid to take a closer look at what they were saying about him. It should be said that critics are a dime a dozen and should not always be taken very seriously, but it is important to always look to the reality of things. After all, who knows you better than yourself? In Michael Jordan’s case the criticisms seemed to fuel his achievement, and he became a phenomenal outside shooter. In the end the criticisms actually made him better in the long run.

We all have talents, many have natural talents, others have to work hard at attaining and maintaining their talents, but one thing is for sure, true success does not happen over night, it takes perseverance, it takes time. People love fairy tales, people almost need stories with happy ending, people love to paint pictures of the own success long before they have even taken a step towards finding it. They dream, they hope, they visuals, and they think that that is enough, all the while their time ticks silently away. They live the illusion, and steer clear of anyone who might burst their bubble with the truth. I think that there’s something very pathetic about that.

It’s easy for a person to say, hey I’m a natural talent, I’m great at what I do, and then just sit back and wait for success to drop on their head, wondering what’s taking so long. It’s easier to lie to yourself and do nothing then to work hard to make real changes. Denial can “seemingly” make the world more palatable. It helps appease that insecure feeling inside, that is until it builds to the point that is until it build to the point where you can no longer see where the lie ends and the truth begins. It’s an easy short cut for hacks and has-beens who are too small and lazy on inside to push for bigger and better things in life. It’s always easy to point these people out. They are the faked smiled, bitter people who love to put down anyone who is out to succeed at something, heck anything, even if they have no experience or connection in the particular field of achievement being persuade.

Remember this, people are not stupid, you may need to tell yourself how great you are to make yourself feel significant, but others don’t. They see you, they react to you, and they draw their own conclusions. There is no easy way around it, if you want to get anywhere in life you have to work your ass off. You have to stick to your guns and never let anyone stop you from achieving the goals you set out to achieve. Know yourself, be honest with yourself, and find new ways at making yourself better. Never listen to that voice inside your head that tells you you’ve done enough, never live your life satisfied by just getting by. If you want to be something, go out and MAKE it happen. Hunger makes you feel alive, it gives you an urgency, it makes you want to go out and hunt down fulfillment, but the hunger itself is not enough. You have to be willing to go out into the world and seek your goals out against all the odds. Does that sound over done to you? Well if it does then you’re probably an underachiever who is angry at the world for his or her own laziness, an underachiever who feels that way because you lack the courage to believe in yourself. It is survival of the fittest out there, and the laws of nature still hold true. The cunning and the fearless will always finds ways to survive and inherit greatness, while the meek and hopeless will always fall pray to their own inabilities and self-induced self-destruction.

Ultimate Responsibility.
Fatherhood, what a word, I don’t know that there are many other words or expressions that all at once, brings to mind such a multitude of responsibilities and expectations. It is a pitiful shame that there are those in this world who are by universal law tied to this word, yet run from it, and deny it, and in doing so deny a small reborn piece of themselves, born into a world as an unwanted miracle.

What have I learn in my now two and a half year run as the greatest daddy in the entire universe? Oh I’ve learn many things, most note worthy of which is that there is more to life then just me, me, me. Not that I was self absorbed before my little girl was born, but because like most people I was always so focus on my own goals, my own beliefs, and my own future. In many ways we are all all about ourselves, that is until we become parents.

It is a great truth that children ground you. I have learned more patience in the last few year then I have learned burring my whole life time. It’s truly unbelievable how your parental skills just switch on when your child is born. I felt instantly different from the second my daughter entered this world. One look at her, and it was if everything had changed, as if all of a sudden, I was a better version of myself, more understanding, more mature, stronger, and more focused then ever.

I went form being a rock musician bent on building a legacy for myself, to being a rock musician bent on building a legacy for my family, to assure that my little girl has everything she needs. Sometimes you feel you need to make millions of dollars just so be sure that everything is covered, now I know that that’s not true. I just don’t want to leave anything to chance. Being a father is just another challenge, a challenge I know I have to be great at. I have always had a strong sense of purpose in life, working hard, achieving, reaching, planning, trying to crave my name in stone, try to find my nitch in life, creating, and following my dreams, but never before have I had such focus. Knowing full well that I am responsible for the most wonderful little person I have ever met. One look at I can understand everything.

Now I know once again, taking into consideration our present world conditions, trends, and “in” topics, that me writing about my responsibilities and new found life challenges as a father might make many dead beat half wits role their eyes and say something stupid but I can't help but feel better than them and more importantly, prouder then them. As for those doing the eye rolling while reading this, I have two words…Measure up.

A wise man once told me “Peter, when your daughter is born it’s not about you anymore…it becomes all about her, and then it becomes ALL about you.” He couldn’t have been more correct. It becomes all about what you do as a parent. Parenthood is about putting aside your needs when it comes to your child. The more selfish you are about your time, and your own needs, the more it affects your child in a negative way. There are so many people out there taking their mistakes, and their inabilities to measure up to their actions and responsibility out on their children. It’s pathetic. They say things like, "It’s your fault I can go out tonight, it’s your fault I got fat, it’s your fault I can’t do the things I use to do."

Make no mistakes about it, life works in phases and if you refuse to face that fact, and if you refuse to accept your adult phase, and your parental phase, you only make nothing but a wretch of yourself. Your child had nothing to do with its own conception, that was all you and you partners doing. Blaming your child is a weak attempted trying to weasel out, bitching, and complaining about the fact you're not the center of attention anymore, and in this day and age, where you can measure most peoples self-esteem in a teaspoon, that only spells trouble for these peoples children.

No, it’s not your child’s fault, It’s your fault for not thinking before acting, for not living up to your responsibilities, and for not been man enough, or women enough to deal with the consequences of your own actions. Think about it, think about any bad parents you know, what is the most obvious malfunction they have? SELFISHNESS. The more selfish you are about holding on to the past phase of your life, the more your going to resent your child, a child that is here because of you.

Still there are people who refuse to face up to universal law, the law that states that what’s yours is your own and the things, the lives, and the ideas you create are forever bound to you. Creating life is a miracle onto it’s self and you are the miracle worker. There are people everywhere in life trying to live up to the idea of there version of greatness, yet they neglect their greatest accomplishment, the accomplishment of creating life, building and sculpting the mind, and the behavior of a brand new person.

Creating life is the highest form of ability, think about it, yet it goes abused, and unwanted, and overused everyday. But then again isn’t that what we as a society are best at? Ruining, and overusing, and not appreciating the miracles around us every day? I for one can not look past my responsibility to my creations. I can only feel gifted, and lucky enough to have them but hey, thats just me.

To those who think this was a whippy ass topic to write about, get back to wasting your life on important things like your car, your so called friends, your bars, and your dance clubs, now that’s living…talk about whippy-ass. I see it like this, yes I’m a father and I’m living up to it everyday, and still somehow AnAkA is stronger then ever, growing, bigger, better, and louder then ever before. Becoming a parent is not about losing your freedom it’s about gaining a new prospective and that is what true living is all about.

And to my beautiful fiancée, and to my beautiful little girl, Daddy is here girls and I’ll never let you down.

Remembering.
As life moves on, sometimes all we concern ourselves with is the next step forward, the next moment, the next day. Lets stop for a moment and look back at where we’ve come from, and how we got here. Understand that each footprint left behind was a destiny achieved; each footprint left behind was a steppingstone to the ground your standing on at this very moment. The people you meet, the places you go, the things you achieve, and the pains you endure in your lifetime, are set in the pathways of your life to help you along the way, to teach you so you that you may teach others.

Some of us may be too involved in what we are doing to really take closer look at that details, and take stock in what’s really happening in our lives. We don’t take the time to really look at what we’re achieving, the moments we are living, and to what we will one day leave behind. Through the eyes of many, their everyday lives seem trivial and unimportant now, but surely through those same eyes many years from now, these moments will one day be remember as bitter sweet.

Childhood, remember that? Remember those long, endless days of summer when you were a kid? Remember your friends, and how those days seemed to just last, and last. Playing wiffleball outside with the guys, throwing around the football and talking sports. It seemed like you had all the time in the world until Sunday night rolled around. Remember Sundays? They never quit felt right did they? Sure it was a free day but you knew that this day was different than the day before, it almost wasn’t real, and you just knew that waiting for you the next day was school, ugh. Sunday night seemed like a last, uneasy breathe of fresh air. It makes me laugh just thinking about it, but it was all a part of it wasn’t it. It was all a part of how you remember it.

Those moments seem so far away and in many ways those days really were truly endless. How often do you remember them? Think about it. I still think about what it was like back then from time to time when my mind wanders. I remember getting together with all my friends at my house whenever there was a big sporting events on television, I can remember the cheering, the arguing, the history we were living through, the legends we were watching, the victories, the loses, even the weather in some cases, just like it was yesterday. There was something magical happening in those moments back then. Maybe it was the fact that we were growing up so fast, that those moments were so quickly fleeting and passing us by. It’s possible that even at that young age we couldn’t help but feel those times slipping away from us in some form or another.

For me those days, so far away, yet in some form, not totally out of reach, are a reminder of who I was, and what I’ve become. It’s a process from this day to that, and from that day to tomorrow. We are constantly evolving and changing as people, and as we say good-bye to our pasts, we can’t help but say hello to our future. One day I know I’ll look back on the words I’m writing right now, and remember my life as it is today. Although by then these present moments may be distant from where I am in my life today, I know I will no doubt understand their relevance in the grand scheme of my life, and how these moment connect to what lay ahead of me in the days, months, and years to come.

So remember the faces long gone, the smiles you still know, and the past stories yet to be told. Remember the people you met, the people you lost, the heroes, and the villains that captured your imagination. Remember the people who inspired you. Never forget what brought you to this present moment. I can still look back and remember the quiet moments, the heartbreak, the good times, the self-realization and the dreams of one day being something bigger then just a kid trying to find his way.

I can still remember the yellow flying V guitar in the window of a music store at the corner of my aunt’s block back when I was nine years old. I use to visit that store window every weekend, starring at that guitar which I thought might have cost a million dollars, and I dreamed of what it would be like to play it just like the rock stars I idolized on a big stage with bright lights. Then, one day, the guitar was gone, it was sold…. the dream on the other hand, remained.

Connections Made.
Being a musician has been a great journey for me. I’ve made some great new friends along the way, and also lost old so-called friends as well. Good riddance. I’ve learned more about myself though the self analysis that comes with honest song writing, I’ve created, and we as a team/band have built upon our brotherhood through performing and focusing on A goal. It’s been a great ride. Music has fixed me in many ways, it’s helped me put to rest pretty some mean monsters within. The discipline, the release, all of it, it’s been such a blessing.

The greatest gift I’ve been granted in my musical crusade has been the connections I’ve made with others through the music. All the e-mail's from all around the world, all the good wishes, all the looks of inspiration on peoples face at shows, it’s all so humbling. Looking back at the beginning of all of this, I was just a kid with a dream, a dream that I am still pursuing to this very day. At first I just wanted to play music, I wanted to learn, I wanted to be a great guitarist, I wanted to be the greatest songwriter ever, I still do, little did I know that I was embarking on a journey that would one day teach me great life lesson, that one day my music would speak to people, that in time, I would find myself granted with the responsibility of help people realize that “we are not alone.”

I get many e-mail's with people life stories attached to them, people living, fighting, losing, achieving, and taking on great challenges in their lives. They tell me that AnAkA’s music has helped them through, keep them hanging in, and holding on when they needed it most. Some have stated that they somehow feel I have written song such as “With Passing Time” just for them, just for burdens and challenges they face everyday. Many of the e-mail's I receive are from people who love our music and really want to help spread the word about AnAkA because they believe in what we are doing. I also have received some really great e-mail's from people with disabilities who find strength in AnAkA everyday, which I think is awesome. Still others are people who have gone though difficult times and need answers or just a helping hand, and somehow they’ve found those answer in our music and just want to express their gratitude.

I can’t express how grateful I feel when people entrust me with their stories and tell me that my music has helped them find their way through dark time in. I always tell them that it has done the exact same thing for me. After all we are all the same, we all have the same size spirit inside. I write about something we can all relate to, I write about the quiet places within which bare the most suffering, AnAkA is a vocalization, a song, a scream back at face of that suffering.

I have lived, I have experienced, and I am compelled to write about it. I am compelled to flush it out of me, through my guitar, and through carefully placed lyrics, sending it back out into the world, back out into the universe, back out into the void, to see what connections it makes, to see who hears it, to see who understands it, and to see who relates to it. AnAkA for me is like screaming back at the thunder of a pending storm. We are here in this world for a reason, and it’s not to be afraid or docile, it’s about living your life in the greatest way possible, it’s about being remembered, it’s about stand up to any and all challenges. The corners of this world may at times be gray and menacing, but we all have each other to help make it through. I noticed that the longer AnAkA does what we do best, the more screams I hear joining us and doing the same, some distant and faint, others right before us, in front of us, and all around us. The AnAkA Army is growing can you hear the screams? I know I can. Thank you for your e-mail's and keep them coming. In a cutthroat business such as the music business, your e-mail's are the reminders of what makes it all worthwhile. Thanks for the fuel it drives the machine.

And The Colony Flourishes.
The universe is ever turning, working, moving, and replenishing itself. Think about it, have you ever stopped to think about how big this place is? How epic actual existence is? No not your existence, even though many think there is nothing more important or bigger then themselves, I mean everything, the everything that operates on it’s own with, or without you in the world. The planets turning, the wind blowing, the fleeting of time, the air we breathe, the sun and the stars, you get the picture?

What a miracle it all is. Sit alone in a dark room, with no one around but yourself, and your thoughts, and the silence. One thing that cannot be denied is the presence of the ever-defined existing reality. There in the quiet of that room, outside, and everywhere. The reality of being, the reality of this place, the fact that we are here cannot be denied. Even in the silence of that dark room, the foundation of life, the bottom line, calls out and tells you that you are here, alive, and in this world.

I find it ironic that awareness at its most basic source is seldom studied by people. How many people really stop to look at the little thing? The little things that make up our lives, the little things that added up become the biggest parts of why we even exist. The fractions unthought of, that allow us to actually breath breathable air. It seems trivial doesn’t it? That’s because most people are stuck thinking about things that have little relevance in the grand scheme of life. Their thoughts are clouded by the need to be excepted, or rich, or beautiful and well liked, waiting for the fairy tale happy ending that never comes because they don’t understand how to find it, because of their lack of thinking, self analysis, and self growth. What’s that say about us as people, if we are so entrenched in the man made creations, and the inventions of society, that we can’t even conceived of the bigger picture.

Stop, let go of the noise and the distortion and just think for a minute. We are all another link in the chain of humanity. Inside each and every one of us there is a feeling of being separate from everyone and everything. What many of us fail to realize is that we are not separate, that we all serve a purpose in that chain. The truth is that we all need connections with other human beings to survive.

Nature teaches us many great lessons in life and is a prefect example of the simplest foundations of our universe. Studying nature is key because it allows us to witness the most basic patterns of survival instincts in the most underestimated of teachers, animals and insects. Just like the ants in the ant hole, the better we work together the more the colony flourishes. If tiny, seemingly insignificant ants can understand this concept, and we as human beings, the most evolved of all earthly creatures cannot, then what does that say about us. Think about it.

The Warrior Poet.
And as he lives, he learns, he understands, he builds, and creates. He cultivates his strengths and models the virtues of those who came before, those who etched their names on the walls of time, in the face of torment and travail. Growing stronger through his own suffering, double-crossing his own pain, and making it work for him instead of against him. He learns that there is no strength in the world more powerful then the power of thought. He learns that self-belief builds men, and self-absorption, and selfish acts, tear them down. In time he becomes both a Warrior and a Poet, all at once and within the same breathe. A warrior, unrelenting in his quest for achievement, and a poet who creates pictures with words, and philosophic though. A Warrior Poet, strong in mind, body, and spirit and strongest in spirit above all.

He learns that discipline is the only path to one true inner voice. Discipline is what helps to silence the noise. Achievement becomes his only pursuit, and as he achieves he looks ever forward, never stopping to celebrate small victories, but rolling on, gaining strength, gaining speed, gaining intensity, and confidence on the wrecking road that has become his launching pad.

He does not deny his own weakness, rather he sets it on the chopping block and hacks away at it until all that remains of it is the burningfeeling in the muscles, a feeling he used to rid himself of his weakness, making those muscles stronger and in turn, making himself stronger, turning his weakness into strengths.

He learns to understand the power of words, he learns to understand the power of tenacity. He learns to use them both equally, and through them he beings to understand the ways of the world and his place in it. In silence, in though, in the quiet times, only his philosophies speak out and define themselves so that in furious moments, and in moments of need, he can draw upon them and find unwavering strength.

He sees the wickedness of the world but he also understands the blessing of the next breath taken. In dark times he does not point his finger and blame the earth, and the sky and everything in between, instead he sees it as a time for endurance, a time for learning. His faults are his own, as are his greatest achievements, and he lives to turn even the smallest hope into a grand realization.

Morbid Mediocrity.
Living up to your responsibility is the best guide in life, it shows you the right path every time. It’s unbelievable how man people refuse to see that. We as people are constantly questioning, planning, negating, rethinking, reworking, worrying, wondering, understanding, misunderstanding, and analyzing our lives and what we think our lives should be. Most people think that what they want from life is most certainly what they should get from life, and are surprised when that doesn't happen. People except good fortune to follow them just because they feel they deserve it. For many, working hard to create their good fortune isn’t even a thought worth thinking, and that’s laughable, it’s just magically suppose to happen and when it doesn’t it’s everyone else’s fault.

People are always trying to “find themselves,” this is a phrase that I find very humorous. For some reason human beings are hell bent on searching on the outside to find a comfortable place on the inside, no wonder so many people are so confused and have no idea who they are. Here’s a hint if you're looking to find yourself check the mirror, take a good look, there, the search is over. People are always trying to fix what they see in the mirror everyday yet for some reason they say they have to “find themselves” funny isn’t it? No! ... actually it isn’t. Set aside all the BS people feed you about who you need to be, except yourself for who and what you are as an individual and work from there.

"Dirty are the trends how they stick to your face." - Peter Pallis

Much of our society has sunk into morbid mediocrity. Everyone is striving to be like someone else. Originality has lost it’s luster, and that is wrong on so many levels. In every corner of our society creativity is being downsized, lifted, and copied. Movies are being redone, music is being reused and the sheep are eating it up. Consumerism supplies us with the quick fix, the "one hit wonders" we need to hold us over for next 30 seconds before the need for that next fix sets in. The trouble with this is that it spreads the product being sold out to thin, it eventually becomes rehashed, redundant, and really boring. So much so that the music industry for example, is slowly canceling itself out. Record labels are buying each other out and merging left and right, blaming the current state of the music industry on free music downloads and music piracy, instead of focusing on what the real problem is, the fact that real quality music is not being released, and is in fact being overlooked. No one wants to buy an album with only one good song on it, it’s much easier to download that one song and save your money. Consumerism deals in quantities, but I for one just like many other music fans, won’t spend my hard earned money on anything that isn’t seeped in quality.

Whatever happened to being unique? Now by unique I mean really unique, not the BS trendy “look at me, I’m so artsy, I wear funny clothing and tilt my head to the side and make sad faces, I’m so misunderstood, I’m so different, kind of unique” that so many people are trying to pull off. Everyone knows someone like this, it’s a trend nothing more, it’s anything but unique, it’s conforming to the “I’m so different folk.”

With Passing Time.
The sun sets on all things. In time a shadow is cases, be you weak or strong, proud or faithful, we all find the winter of our lives, we all see the end of things. Sadly, for many, when ones greatness fades, bitterness is sure to follow. Many are those who look back, longing for times, events, and abilities that once set them apart from the rest, and now, are no more. What is missed for bitter men as time turns, changing us, helping us grow in mind and spirit as our bodies slowly whither, is the opportunity to redefine their own greatness in a different field, and in different forms.

To the current watchful eye, greatness means greatness, yet past greatness means you’re a washed up has been. What a shame, just think about all the old knowledge that goes lost and unlearned with such thinking. We have much to learn form those who have taken the path before us. There is no shame in growing old. We all pass with time. What do we say to those with worn bodies and yet with wills of solid stone? What do we say to a man who's finally days are closing in and yet his spirit wants to live, his spirit NEEDS to live? Want we say is very simple, We thank him, we learn form him, and we live our lives to the fullest, knowing full well that we will one day be just like him, holding on, appreciating each breathe, taking note of all the things we have left undone, hoping for more time to find their completion, and finally understanding the true blessings of our lives. For no love is sweet that the love of life, a life that will one day fade away for each and every one of us. My grandfather taught me this lesson and to honor him I wrote the song, “With Passing Time.” Thank’s Gramps we miss you.

A Time To Shine.

“Appreciation is a wonderful thing: It makes what is excellent in others belong to us as well.” - Voltaire

Do you remember your childhood heroes? Do you remember the sports stars you look up to when you were a kid? Remember going to your 1st rock concert, gazing at the performers on stage thinking, “one day that’s gonna be me.” Look back on your youth, you looked up to these people for a reason didn’t you? You saw in them, a small piece of something you dreamed of becoming one day, you saw greatness. Remember the posters on your walls? You put them there for a reason. I know I did.

I had many childhood heroes when I was a kid. I have vague memories of watching Mohammed Ali with my father when I was just a few years old. My father would tell me stories about Ali’s boxing matches of years gone by and I remember think “wow this guy is the greatest.” My father loved, and still loves boxing, he taught me a lot about it, I can still remember the boxing gloves on my crib. I remember when I was a bit older, watching Michael Jordan defy gravity time, and time again, succeeding on every level, and doing it his own way with a confidence I have never before seen in another person. Jordan won 6 NBA championships and changing the face of basketball for generations to come. I can also remember the awe I felt back in 1989 when I 1st saw The Ultimate Warrior, former World Wrestling Federation Champion, live and in person on a memorable night at Madison Square Garden against Andre the Giant. The crowd exploded when Warrior charged to the ring, it was electrifying. I can also remember seeing Metallica for the first time live and in concert, it was intense to say the least. I remember feeling so inspired, and thinking, “This is it, this is what I want to do with my life, I can do it, I know I can.”

These great people helped mold my perception at a very young age of what it means to be successful. Success is about finding confidence in those things you are born to do. To achieve in life, one must find greatness in one form or another, through always giving ones all, and never quitting. Knowing that to be great, one must learn from those who came before, paying their teachings and accomplishments justice, and in doing so, taking their mentors beliefs further and build on them. Paying homage to those who have taught me to never give up in life, is very important to me. I believe that then, and only then, can someone achieve true greatness in their own lives and in thier own respective fields. It’s about remembering those who paved the road before us, and in your own way, pick up where they left off.

Great people come and go in life, of that you can be sure. Even heroes fade away. They appear, they set standards, they break boundaries, they teach us, they inspire us, and then one day, they are gone. Gone yes, forgotten? Hopefully not. They are the evidence that anything, any dream, can be accomplished through hard work, sacrifice, and self-belief. The great ones may come and go, but what remains are their achievements, in the record books, in our minds and hearts, and in the annals of history.

When I was a kid and one of my heroes walked away from they spotlight I would go through at time of mooring, as if something wonderful had been sadly been lost, never to be seen again. In many ways I was mooring the moments I spent rejoicing in their achievements as they happened. In many ways I was mooring the moments of my childhood, that just like my hero, where gone.

So why do these people come into our lives? Why do we connect with their greatness? Then one day, all at once we are forced to let them go, and grow up, watching them ride off into the sunset. Why? Because nothing is forever, it’s as simple as that. No one man is eternal. No one can stay the greatest version of themselves forever. Always remember this hard fact; time marches on. Time is unrelenting, it’s unwavering, and it is the killer of all men, great or otherwise.

To understand why great people have to one-day fade away, we must understand the reasoning in our own aspirations. The people we meet in life, and the people we one day hope to emulate help to create many of our most sawed after dreams. When a person says he or she wants to be as successful as his favorite musician one day, that person must be willing to one-day take their hero’s spot on that grand stage, for there is no room for two upon any pedestal. We aspire to places that our heroes have reached, and in doing so we assure the world that their time, their rein, however long it might be, will surely be short lived. Such is life, these are the ways of the world, and these are the ways of our universe.

We all have a time to shine, some of us miss that time, others don’t even realize they are living it until it’s gone. The steps we take are steps that have been taken by others before us, the steps that we take past those steps are steps that will one day be cover by people who found inspiration in your journey, as you had found inspiration in the journeys of other before them. For we are all learners, we are all adventures, we who strive for something better.

The Timeless Man.

"Timeless is he, for he gives his heart for the good of the world." - Peter Pallis

In this world of unknown futures and ever winding roads one can only rage through each and ever battle, excepting each and ever challenge at the risk of falling back down the mountain to square one or even worst, falling all the way down to ground zero. It's not about doing so without worry, or without fear, it's about doing so through worry and through fear and overcoming those obstacles. It's about the journey. Finding out that once the mountains is taken, once the task at hand is has found it's completion, at the apex of that mountain one finds only a valley of more mountains, hills, and canyon spreaded out before him, as far as below, and as high as beyond. He will find rows of screaming beasts, and armies of whimpering weaklings, back-stabbers and back-sliders, over practiced grins,and crooked smiles, foes and friends, and those disguised as all the other. Such is the road for one who chooses to live.

If he is smart enough to look, he will also see the wonderment of the world. He will feel the wind in his face and the warmth of the sun. He will find strength in the majesty of the sky. He will see the bigness of the world laid out before him, and he will be humbled by it. He will one day find the exhilaration one feels when doing the one thing he was meant to do. He will realize the reason and the relevance in storms. He will one day find shelter in love and bonds in friendship. He will connect with the world. He will learn and evolve and by doing so he will obligate himself to teach others. He will find his place in the universe. He will become a creator of things, ideologies, beliefs, and even life. He will connect with one chosen person like no other. He will on day see his own face in smaller version starring back at him in the eyes of his own newborn child. I have been blessed enough to do all these things, and in a world so ugly, I have never seen anything more beautiful.

Is it heroic to live your life well? Do heroes still exist? Here in these times of money making, trend switching, and frantic consumerism, is there any room for morality and bravery? It's funny isn't it, that mentioning of the word "hero" brings thoughts of fantasy to most, as if self-belief, doing the right thing, and being brave enough to set a good example is an idea of folklore. That such ideas are best left for the pages of comic books or bedtime stories. Never thought of that? Well take a good look at your life. Are you heroic, or does the mere thought of this question make you grin and roll your eyes? Be honest, Do you believe in yourself? Do you see things through? Do you except the challenges in your life? Do you speak one thing, and then do another? Do you believe your responsibilities in life are your own? Do you live up to them? Do you make scarifies for those things you hold closest to your heart? Are you at least trying? Would you rather take the easy road, and forget or even deny the responsibility that is yours. Would you rather forget anything that doesn't have to do with your own self gain? Would you rather keep concentrating on what matters most for you, yourself? Thinking, "What can I get from people? What can I take for myself? What's in it for me?"

If you grinned and rolled your eyes when I first asked the "Are you heroic question?" you need not answer, you have already given the answer away. After all, it's much easier to do the wrong thing than it is to do the right thing, and most people are living proof of that.

Don't get me wrong I don't believe in "pure heroes," we are all flawed in our own ways. No one is above or without flaw. We can't be perfect, BUT we can live up to our responsibilities. Knowing your child will be affected by your action, is not an epiphany, it is a rule. Understanding as adults that when we are looked up to by others, we automatically become role models, whether we choose to be or not.

We owe it to ourselves to live our lives well, to evolve and to be great at the things we do in our daily lives, for one day these things will be the ideas and actions that others remembers us by. What mark do you want to leave on the world? What impression do you what to leave on the minds, and hearts, and souls, of the people you have come to know, or who have come to know you, through your actions, through your beliefs, and through your life's work.

As I have mentioned before, I have connected with hundreds of people through the music I write. Whether it is at a performance, or via e-mail, many people have expressed their gratitude for my music and its truly awe inspiring to me. The effect AnAkA's music has had on people's lives fuels me to no end. The connections I have made tell me that I have chosen the right path. Knowing that I have given people strength through my musical philosophies, and encouraging other to hold on for just a second longer has made a tremendous difference in my life. The fact that others have related to the music, and have found answers which may not have been there if it was for me truly humbles me. I understand it's importance, and I'm thankful for it.

How do you choose to live your life? There are enough dead beats out their running form the responsibly of the own actions. Do you consider yourself heroic in life? Lets take a step back and even simplify this question for those who are in need of the simplification. Let me rephrase it. Do you consider yourself a good person? For what more is there to being a hero than doing the right thing. For many its time to grow up and understand that there is much more to this world than what you see in the mirror every morning. Find the good in the challenges you face for they are yours for a reason. Learn, and through learning grow. Being an adult means acting like an adult. Aging doesn't make us adults, living and learning does.

Filling The Void (The Mindless Follower).

There is NOTHING we cannot overcome when we using our god given gift: WILL POWER. It saddens me that we live in times that statements such as this one are consider cliché and unrealistic, even over the top. Sadly most people today are relentlessly searching for the flavor of the month to fill the void. Though and accomplishment take tenth place to materialistic gain and the desire to fitting in. Somehow society has actually black-labeled masculinity. Being strong is seen as being vulgar and that is weak to say the least.

There is a place in this universe for all of us, and concentrating only on trends and material gain robs us of time. Imagine that, the universe, ask yourself "How many times have I stop to think about my role in this universe"? People don't like doing that, they don't like looking at the bigger picture because in the digger picture they see how small they really are. For most people the idea that the world doesn't revolve around them is a distant fairy tale easily dismissed, easily ignored, and easily denied. We all see the world through our own eyes but the world is not only what we make of it, or even what we believe it to be. There are many more ants in the anthill so to speak. Need proof? Take a walk outside, look at the people, all of them going places, achieving, losing, thinking, believing, wandering in their own worlds, in their own spaces, crossing in front of you, walking past you, standing behind you. They are living their own lives just like you. They are separate and different from you, and yet in many ways they are same. They are part of the same species, part of the same world, part of the same universe. It's arrogant, even ignorant to think that the world as we know it and see it, is the world as it truly is. There are too many parts to this universe, and we are no less than microscopic when compared to it's grandness.

Tell that to the guy at your gym, 5 foot nothing, a hundred and nothing lbs, thinking he's larger than life, wearing a skin tight shirt, finely gelled hair, arms up with nothing in-between them as if his wing muscles, and back muscles, are so big that they won't allow him to hold his arms at his sides, walking around giving hard looks to anyone who happens to be taller than him, looking himself over in the mirror, staring at everyone else and secretly comparing his shortcomings to theirs, hoping that no one notices how short and silly he looks. It may sound funny but everyone knows someone like this. If you don't, then its probably you. Is that an accomplishment? Is that a highest level of self? NO. That is the result of a weak mind, that it is disappointment. That is the result of placing too much importance on what you think people expect of you. That's is the result of being a follower.

"I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals." - Sir Winston Churchill

Time is fleeting just ask any elderly person. Many people waste their youth wallowing in self-doubt, chasing trends, or self-destructive behavior, searching externally for things that can only found internally. Ironic isn't it that people would rather search the highs and lows of the outside world looking for answer that only they themselves can answer. For such people looking inside themselves means realizing how empty they are. It means realizing how little of them there really is. It's realizing that without self-analysis there is no self-growth. All they find within is a weak and whimpering child hidden behind a fortress of false ideas and fake memories.

Denial.

"We are what we repeatedly do." - Aristotle

Denial is a killer in life, it destroys our ability to see the truth. Kill your denial before it takes away your ability to see the true reality of thing. Denial bleeds you slow, it creates a safe zone for anyone who doesn't want to see the truth. If you don't like something about yourself, denial tell you it's easy, just ignore it, act like it's not there, and don't deal with it, put it out of your mind. Sounds good doesn't it? Many people master nothing more than this in their lives. The problem with such action is troubles don't merely go away just because you're in denial. They don't disappear because you're too weak to face them.

Remember there is no safety behind a wall of lies placed to help make life more easier, for only you can see the wall you've built, it's not really there. Denial helps you build walls to protect yourself form the things you don't want to see, the things you don't want to believe, the thing that will one day finish you for good if not dealt with. The alcoholic found dead and stinking with an empty bottle still in his hand, the cancer that grows the lungs for one who thinks that theirs nothing better than a cigarette after a good meal. When it comes to living, there are no second chances. The irony in denial is, just before the end, it turns to grief, it turns to regret.

Following Your Dreams.

"You can't stop, you have to out do them, you have to out play them, you have to out last them, so that one day, when it comes to who's the best, all the others are battered and broken, and you are still rolling, bigger, and stronger than ever." - Peter Pallis

There are people all over this world wrestling monsters, on the outside as well as within. The world is full of those who have it worse than you do. Don't like your life? No? Then make a change. Follow your dreams, make sacrifices, LIVE. People think following your dreams is childish and unrealistic, if that were true there would be sports stars, there would be no rock stars, movie stars, or presidents, come to think of it there would be no success stories.

Never believe anyone who tells you following your dreams is a waste of time. They only say that because they would hate to see you succeed. Such people are chained down by their lazy disbelief in themselves. People will drag your hopes for a better future through the dirt, they will laugh at you and talk about you behind your back saying "what's he trying to prove, he'll never make it, who does he think he is." Why? Because there own dreams lay shrouded, torn to pieces by their own fears of failure and lack of discipline. They are too lazy to follow their dreams, to them it would be too much work.

"The closer you get, the further it seems. Sometimes the goal seems furthest away when it's finally right in front of you." - Peter Pallis

Never let others hinder your progression toward your evolution in life. Set goals for yourself and make strides to achieve them. It's as much about the journey as it is about the achievement. Of course following your dreams doesn't always have to mean putting all your eggs in one basket so to speak. Let your goal be "success" first and for most. What does that mean? That means set goals that will lead to more than just one successful out come. Do not merely look for one success, not realizing the importance of foundations and steps taken to assure ultimate success. You are after all responsible for yourself, and your own well begin. You may have set out to achieve a certain ""life goal" but concentrating only on this one goal may leave you without the resources you need to support the achievement of that goal. Setting other goals that help create support systems, foundations, and building blocks so that the your ultimate goal can be realized is critical. The college student who works nights to pay his or her college tuition and his apartment, the musician who goes to college and gains a degree that can one day become a great plan B. These are all example of setting foundation for your goals. Following your dreams has nothing to do with daydreaming, it's about hard work, determination, and self realization. Following your dreams is not childish, it's commendable. It's inspiring to other especially when the achiever understands, and plans out the road to his or her own future.

One Life.

"Most people who have the ability are cursed with the inability to notice." - Peter Pallis

It's not about "why me?" It's about "here I am" now what am I going to do with my ONE LIFE? In life we are equipped with everything we need to take the journey. Some people just refuse to see it, or get lost along the way. Most people who have the ability, are curse with the inability to notice. Find strength were strength grows, inside the self. For there is no stronger force in this world then power self-belief.

The answers are all there waiting for you to be strong enough to find them, and look them directly in the face no matter how ugly they are. Find your weaknesses and use your dislike for them to guide you to bigger and better thing. Turn your weaknesses into strengths. Whether it be by the whip or the cradle, the roads wind inward for all of us. Never forget that. The best way to build the mind is through the heart.

Self-doubt will always be there. It's something that everyone has to deal with in some form or another. It is a human condition plain and simple. But wallowing in it and not seek ways to overcome it is not the answer, in fact it is a cop out. This world was forged and carried on the backs of people who found courage in their darkest moments. Look at the word "achievement," turn it around, rearrange it, it's made up of two words, meant and achieve as in… "meant to achieve". Your life is what you make of it. Don't waste it away. What we do in our life times become the definition of our spirit, a spirit that I happen to believe lives forever, a spirit that pushes us, a spirit that proves that we are made of stonier things.

"Whether it be by the whip or the cradle, the roads wind inward for all of us." - Peter Pallis

Mere Words, The Power Of Fools.
I have already been given the power to pave my own path in life. From the clenching of my fist, to the breathe in my lungs, life flows through me, and burns within. I have all the strengths, and even weakness needed to find my way through life, from this step to the next, from the beginning of the road, to the final steps of my own fate. We all are given these gifts. We even have a strong perspective on how we might meet that fate through the way we live our own live. Yet still many choose to abuse their own lives. Am I enlightened in seeing this? Am I clear of thought? Do I see what others cannot? No, I am not, I only long to be, and so I set out to learn.

The flaw with words is that they always make us feel enlightened and intelligent, but they are made up of mere though and breathe, and without action mere words always fail us. The trouble with words is that everyone can easily use them. Anyone can easily say one thing, yet feel another. Face the world with a mindful of though, a heart full of courage, and a fist full of understanding, after all challenges aren’t good or bad, their definitions lay the perception of things.

The Source Of All Things.
Solace for most is found in selfishness, because they don’t know any better, and are too stuck on themselves to look elsewhere. For many being selfish is a defense, for others it’s a mindless obsession that they are hardly even capable of being aware off; let alone willing to understand. Others have been hurt so times in life that they collapse inward, never again wanting to care for others, for seeking only personally gain means that they don’t ever have to feel rejected again. It is ok to acknowledge pain, but one should never indulge in it. Let it run it's course and learn from it, don’t let it turn you into something you are not. Do not seek certainty and perfection, and hate the world because you cannot find it. Solace is found in accepting the fact that we can not plan out the way the world willtreat us, but we can stand up and face it, knowing full well that there will be growth in each and every step we take forward.

Do you assume responsibility for being here, in this beautiful world, in these treacherous time. Why are we here? Are we destined to do things? Do our actions affect the world in ways we do not know? What do we owe for the privilege? I believe we must find the things we were born to do and we must do them well, not so that our deeds define us, but so that they may spawn the realization in others that we are all here for a reason. Eventually one road will lead to another, and truth growth will occur. Only in doing so can we realize our full potential and returning to the source of all things; spirit.

The Unfair World?

"Beware when the great God lets loose a thinker on this planet." - Ralph W. Emerson

Is life truly unfair? Let us forget for a moment, those who claim that they are unhappy with their lives. Lets forget those who claim they were born into an unfair world, and that because of this, state that their is no good reasoning trying to better their situation. Lets strictly look at it from a scientific astronomical perspective. We are born onto this rock called Earth, an infinite void of airless space all around us, spinning around a burning ball of flames called the Sun. If we were any closer to that big ball of flames we would burst into ashes blowing in a burning wind. But we are not burning are we? No, we are not. That doesn’t sound unfair to me. In a universe full of bigness we are set here, relatively safe, with only percentages, and distances between us and the unrelenting powers of the universe. Unfair? I think not. Blessed, is more like it, whether you chose to see it or not. The universe operates on its own and yet somehow is keep everything going, working, spinning etc., from this stone to the next. On a hot day, sun blazing, sky bright blue, do stop to think about how miraculous and precise our place in the universe is? No, well not many of us do, but thinking about it may change your perspective on things.

"Thank God men cannot as yet fly and lay waste the sky as well as the earth." - Henry David Thoreau

It’s not life that is unjust, it’s not the world that is unfair, it is people. Sadly, laziness, envy, hate, and jealousy are all human qualities. If the world is unfair to us it is only because we; past and present, have helped to make it that way, and the fact that we are alive is not a death sentence, it is a reminder of something we once were, before we learned how to deny, before we understood riches, and titles, before we learn how to be envious of others. It’s a reminder of what life was meant to be, it’s a reminder of an innocence we all knew at one time, an innocence that kept us close to our creator, before we learned to covet the cheap rewards found in self gain, and mindless greed.

"Lord, what fools these mortals be!" - William Shakespeare

“The traditions of the dead generations weigh like a nightmare upon the living.” - Karl Marx

Intensity: The Controlled Anger.

Anger, we all feel it, we all deal with it in our own unique ways. Some are driven by it, some choose not to express it, which can be very dangerous, and yet other have no control over it, it destroys their relationships, their dealings with the world around them, it destroys their lives. Which one are you? Can you control it? Is yours a healthy anger? Is there such thing? Can you use it to feul your actions and achievements?

"Let not your mind run on what you lack as much as on what you have already." - Marcus Aurelius

I believe in my own intensity, I can’t deny that. Do I have a hard time dealing with my anger? To be totally honest, handling and controlling my anger can sometimes be a challenge. We all have our shortcomings, although I do try, with my “against the grain” attitude to achieve good, safe, and desirable outcomes. I think it’s a combination of things. I have a passion for life, and a fire for achievement. At times I can feel it burning inside of me, it’s a powerful feeling, like an electric charge. I need to achieve. I have an extreme competitive streak, and I don’t like to lose. I get light up when I feel challenged, and I have a hunger to overcome. I’m also a perfectionist; I admit that, in my music, in my art, in my everyday life, I am always striving for more, always trying to build on my last achievement, always expecting others to try their best, and I have no patience for those who don’t believe in giving their all.

I’m always trying to push myself to the next level. Does that sound exhausting? You bet it does, how do I fight off that exhaustion? How do I stay charged? I do so through intensity or as I like to call it, controlled anger. It’s about finding the motivation to not only get to the finish line, but smashing through it and in doing so, inspiring others to do the same. Your achievements measure your worth in the eyes of others, but first and foremost, your achievements should measure your worth within your own self. Forget what others think of you, achieve for the sake of self evolution.

Never deny what you are. Be it a weakness or a strength, never look away from it, except it, understand it, and find ways to use it for your own benefit, for your own gain, after all it is there for a reason. Am I ashamed of my anger? No, I use it to my advantage. It has helped me achieve many things in life. Why? Because I point my anger at targets, I don’t let it come out side ways. I have an intensity for living plain and simple. I use the energy, I don’t let the energy use me.

"There was never a genius without a tincture of madness." - Aristotle

Very early on in our lives most of us are taught that anger is to be shut away and not expressed. We are taught that anger is vulgar and menacing. The trouble with such thinking is that anger should not be held in, it’s not health. Anger is a natural human emotion and the expression of anger is no different then the expression of happiness, sadness, or any other human emotions. We are taught to be embarrassed of our anger, and in doing so we are taught to be embarrassed of a natural part of ourselves.

There are healthy ways to express anger. The athlete who fights through injury only to finally achieve what he was told he would never achieve, using it, using the pain, the words, the judgments, using it to feul his intention, and his build courage until the end. The musician who deals out his inner heartaches, pains, and angers on stage, with a face full of rage and a heart full of soul, and through his music, inspiring millions. Anger is unavoidable, what we do with that anger is what’s important, why is it there after all? It’s a tool, it’s a gift, it’s a curse, which one it is for you in your life is solely up to you.

The word “HUMAN.”
Human, its definition relies solely on the lips of the speaker who utters the word. Is he one who believes in the imperfections that come with being human, or does he believe in the potential that comes with being human. Is he a supporter of human achievement or is he lost in his own beliefs of human frailty. They say to ere is human, but is it not also human to love, to feel, to strive, to conceive, and to build? Is it not also human to work hard, to cross the finish line, and to stand up straight and tall for those things you hold most dear? Yes it most certainly is.

"So may he rest, his faults lie gently on him" - William Shakespeare

Humanity, like most things in life is in the eye of the beholder. Those with weak beliefs and weak intentions will always focus on the flaws humanity. Let’s not be mistaken here, all human beings, weak and strong, young and old, male and female, are imperfect but not all human being understand the potential that resides in a taken breathe. Look back at our history, all the things mankind has learned, achieved, and experience have brought us here to this present day, to this very moment, thousand of years from where we started. Do you think we got here by accident? We got here on the shoulders of people who wouldn’t let their shortcomings get in the way of the goals.

Survival is not an opinion it’s something we all have to do. How do you define what it means to be human? I for one, know how blessed I am to be alive, with all my strengths, and all my shortcoming, I strive to find a better way. I strive to make a difference, I strive to leave something great behind when my days are done. I strive to be a super human at everything I do, for I believe we owe it to ourselves to show the world that we have a right to be here, that we have a right to be blessed enough to be alive.

"Everyday you may make progress. Every step may be fruitful. Yet there will stretch out before you an ever-lengthening, ever-ascending, ever-improving path." - Sir Winston Churchill

"Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Self Doubt or Self Motivator (Weakness to Strength).
Is it my talent for finding the words to describe my feelings that sometimes makes me feel the weight of this normal world on my shoulders? If so, I dare not ask for its termination, I have too much riding on that. I would instead thank my muse and Lord for privileging me through my own suffering. I am after all "alive and kicking." The fact that we are living and breathing gives us tremendous potential whether we choose to see it or not. I choose to see it, do you?

"Self destruction, a human condition. It has been said that we destroy what we love, or what we love may ultimately destroy us. A man turned to another man and said, 'I killed the thing I loved most today, I beat it down til it was no more.' The man turned to him and said, 'Really? Well what I love most is killing me today.' I guess you gotta get it before it gets you." -- Peter Pallis

Why am I doing this? Is it worth it? Can I make a difference? These are the questions I hear when I question who and why I am. This is my inner voice. These are the words I hear when I'm tired and I need an answer. There is no weakness in weakening if only for a little while. All need rest, all become tame when they find the right time and place for it, when it is safe to do so. These are the words of a man in search of reasons for why he is imperfect. The answer is easy. I am human. Can you admit that you are imperfect? Are you strong enough?

Self doubt, is not what makes a man weak, it is giving into self doubt that makes one weak. Self doubt is our internal measuring stick. Either we give into it or we push against it to prove our self worth. It is the ultimate definer of one's bravery or of one's weakness. It leaves the choice up to us, but it's conclusion is unwavering. It spawns the truth one way or another.

"The greatest griefs are those we cause ourselves." - Sophocles

The Truth?
Is it the truth that drags me down when I'm worn? Is it the fact that I see this place for what it really is? Is it this place that I should blame, or is it myself? For in the end it is a relentless fact that we are only human, most of us blind to our own god given potential and the fingers we point at ourselves become the most honest expressions of our lives. Could it be that I lack a certain defensive mechanism that skews the reality we know to make living easier? The truth in its essence is hard but it creates a foundation that one can build upon once he has come to terms with its hard edges.

"To those who fear change, even the dead grow in the ground, for they, just like you, have no choice in the matter." - Peter Pallis

Passion.
To many in life their loves become their forsakers. To be truly passionate about one's work is to, in many ways, allow that work to take over one's life. An artist is his art. It becomes a window into his mind, body, and soul. A scripture of his philosophies and his beliefs. It is a trip into his past and a look at what he strives to be in the future. I am such a person, I always have been. My music is my blessing. Through it, I deal out my issues, my angers, and my love of life.

In stating the blessings that come with writing music, I should also speak of the negative aspects that also accompany what I do. Learning to be honest musically is not an easy task. One must search places within that most people would rather not return to once they've found a way to finally escape them. For me it was, and still is, an ongoing battle returning to those places for creative inspiration and finding the words to express the hurt that resides there. Reliving the heartache, remembering the loss, rethinking the mistakes, only to create honest music. Why do I do this? Because I know I can, and I feel I need to. This is a difficult burden to bare. Overdoing this can be very unhealthy. Art and truth mix well yet the price one pays for mixing them is often very severe. Constant reminders? constant reenactment's? Cathartic? The work cathartic comes form the Greek word "Katharevousa," which means cleanliness, in this instance, I think not.

"Leave the ghosts where they lay, do not awaken them, for they sleep for a reason. They belong in the past. They are out of time here, they are out of place in the here and now. Wake them and never cry or ask why they need to share your company. For you are the only one they recognize, here in this place where they faded once already. You are the only one left who still seems to need them." -- Peter Pallis

Why is it that I continue looking to accomplish things that others have told me are out of reach? Conceit? Stupidity? Self belief? Rebellion? Yes, all of these reasons may surface, but most of all, the truth, the metele of it is that I believe that I can outlast any and all challenges. Why? I have no clue, I only know I have to, like a machine, I am programmed to do one thing. Why should why always have an answer?

Why should we who live question what and why we are what we are? We have no right. The fact that "We Are" is a miracle onto itself. We owe the house, the house does not own us. Suffering, pain, it is all a part of being alive, we should embrace it and thereby in doing so, we embrace being alive. For it is indeed only a small price to pay for the wonderment we witness everyday.

Do not lose sight of what you are or what you can be. You are who you are for a reason. Your strengths and your faults are meant to be yours and they are carefully placed in your being for a reason. They are the weapons and tools used in the course of your life's journey. See, when you look, trust in the source. We are the blessed ones, no matter what your humanity tells you. Rejoice in the majesty of the world.

So why do human beings wallow? Because we are human. Human beings spend their time dreaming of what they want to achieve. Then when they finally achieve it they ultimately come to the reality of no longer wanting it, only because in having it they can no longer covet it. The thrill is in the chase. The musician who seeks fame, yet once he has achieved it it becomes his burden. The man who seeks riches that once are found destroy his relationships with those he holds most dear. These are all examples that for dreams to remain our dreams, they must stay just out of our reach. Once they are achieved, reality sets in and they become disappointing.

Do we wallow because we are unsatisfied? For some, wallowing in pain, anger, or depression fuels their creativity, it guides their passion. Some need to hurt. Others are never content because of their perfection- seeking personalities. While still others find their drive to achieve overpowers their ability to see the greatness in what they have already done. By nature, our short comings constantly surface in the way we live our lives and deal with the world around us. They are in no way secrets. The only secrets lie in our denial of these short comings and, in turn, a lack of growth is evident. Seek out the truth it will make you a leader.

"There is a lead dog in every pack of wolves, I am that Dog" -- Peter Pallis

The All Mighty (Dollar).
All the money in the world cannot make you a brave person. Only you can do so through self analysis and self realization. All the money in the world cannot make you a good person. It cannot cure the guilt you feel within when you realize that you have done wrong to others. We are all creatures of habit. Deep down inside we know what we truly are and we know whom we've truly hurt. Money cannot cure us of ourselves. It can only make us worse versions of what we are when all we see and care about are dollar signs... $$$.

Carrying On.
It is not easy to face life head on and not find yourself questioning your ability to cope with the world and its challenges. Pushing oneself is not the easiest task, and those who do so, find out only too quickly, that the harder you push at the world, the harder it will push back. It is much easier to lay down and accept defeat, but since I know, nor understand such a word let me then talk about what I feel it takes to carry on.

Sorrow, sadness, and depression, are not words that one should shy away from in life. They are natural, human reactions that occur when dealing with one's troubles and problems. Some of us have been challenged with such great circumstances and acts of fate that we may be left physically, spiritually, and emotionally drained. Stripped void of any ability to push forward. These are the most important times in our evolution as people for they bring a new awareness of the world around us and they help strengthen our abilities to cope with the challenges we face.

"Father, in this time which tests my soul and enlightens my spirit, I look to your sky and ask you these questions: 'Is this my time for suffering? Is this my cross to bare, Is this the way I prove my worth, like your son before us? Is this my road to salvation?'" -- Peter Pallis

As for myself, I've had to pick myself up, and dust myself off more times then I wish to count but I have done so time and time again no matter what the situation. It is something that I feel I have to do. In many ways I believe that it has become an instinctive process for me. I would be lying if I said that I do not question myself and whether I can cope with what has befallen me at times in my life, we all do, no one is so strong. You cannot be the best version of yourself all the time. Still, even when I'm at my lowest and questioning myself, I pick myself up, even when my own mind, body, and soul tell me that I cannot do so. I think that even when I die, after the last breath of life has left my lungs, my body will instinctively try and pick itself up and push itself forward. Never let your humanity strip you of your God-given right for something better. Achievement takes work and he who works to achieve always finds growth in one way or another. Growth spawns evolution.

'' If you want something, you have to be willing to risk or sacrifice something for it. If you want something bad enough, you must be willing to sacrifice it all." -- Peter Pallis

All the power in the world resides in the will. The human will can build a man just as soon as it can destroy another. Our will power allows us to do the most extraordinary things. It is the will that fuels our achievements. It is my will that has gotten me to the point I'm at today and it is my will that pushes me to continue my hunt for something better. I will never stop until I attain what I have come for.

The trouble with the world today is that not may people share such intensity for life. Most rather take the easy road, never truly achieving anything, never making any waves, never pushing themselves to be better than they already are. Call it laziness, call it disbelief, call it shallowness, call it what you will, but the truth is most of the world today would rather look to materialistic gain instead of spiritual gain for what they think is called happiness. They spend too much time filling their pockets, painting their faces, abusing their minds and bodies, and staring vainly at their reflection in the mirror. Life is about building yourself from the inside out, not building the outside to hide a weakened rotting core. This world is full of such weak, fake, and damned cardboard cut outs that vaguely resemble the creature God intended. Frailty, thy name is human. Know this, the flesh rots, the soul lives forever.

Me Against The World.
It seems the more I push to better myself, the more life pushes back. Since I'm not going to stop pushing until I achieve my life's goals, everyone just sit back and enjoy the show. Support me, boo me, either way you're adding to the fire. Lets see who wins the confidence game.

The world is full of people who would rather see you fall on your sword and fail than watch you succeed. Human nature is vindictive in that the failure and suffering of others become almost entertaining to many people. Jealousy disguises itself everywhere, in those who feel challenged by you, and even in those who say they love you. People hide there jealousy behind crooked smiles waiting, watching, and hoping to witness your downfall. Words spoken, looks given, lies, envy, all aimed at hindering you. They can't have what you have, they can't love what you love, they can live like you live, they can't believe what you believe in, and so they proceed to quietly try and destroy what you have. And though this saddens me and is a truly painful reality, one must not fold before it, one must not let them win.

It is a shame in life that we cannot support each other and find comfort in the good things that happen to others. Instead most people grow envious. I have killed myself to get to this point in life and I still feel like I'm nowhere near where I should be. I'm much too busy concentrating on my own life than to spend time hating others for their good fortune.
I have lost more friends and close relationships to the jealousy of others than I care to discuss. Even people who don't really know me have affected my life, lying and persuading the impressionable ears of the person I care for, and ultimately destroying our relationship. But I can't let that make me a quitter.

What I will say to those who have tried to interrupt, interfere, and interject themselves into my life and into the lives of others, trying to ruin what I hold dear, is that they will find in the long run that they have only made me work hard to not give up or give into the wicked world they so sickeningly represent. I work really hard at being me. Not only at being a musician or being a thinker but also at being a good person. If you can not work as hard as I do and sacrifice what I have sacrificed for my art and spirit, then I have no explanation for you and your envy. And to those who look at me or our band with an envious eye, then get ready for a long lasting headache because this will only become bigger, better, and stronger.

"To the jealous, I laugh in your face because you are too weak to be me. Work? sacrifice? No, you won't do that because you're too lazy, you're too dim witted. You lack the intensity to make yourselves better, and for that, you should be ashamed. Keep hating me, keep judging me, because I'll outlast you until the day I collapse."-- Peter Pallis

Live in the Times.

"Ignorant men don't know what good they hold in their hands until they've flung it away." - Sophocles

Live in the time you are given. Appreciate your gifts, the gifts of the moments granted to you. Appreciate the relationships you have with the people closest to you. Build on your talents. Love the fact that are there. Understand the relevance in it.

The stage for me as a musician has always been a safe haven. Ironically, I find refuge in playing music in front of large crowds of people. I feel so at home. I feel as one. It is a celebration of life for me when I am using my music, my feeling, for something cathartic and positive. My music is my God given gift and expressing it makes me feel closer to my creator. There are times I get lost in it, the lights the rumbling, the power. It's all mine, I put it there. I live for those moments. I live within them. You never know when it can be taken away from you. You always keep that in mind and that is why I embrace my time performing.

Words I Live By.
Live and you shall fail. Live and you shall succeed. In the course of living your life you will find bright days, as well as dark days. When sun shines through, be sure to take it all in and appreciate it's warmth. Be thankful for life's gifts whether they be sorrowful or joyous. All things float towards their end. No matter the challenges or tasks you are faced within your life, go after them with a passion to enjoy and conquer every single second, for when the present moment passes into another, it is gone forever.

The world respects hard workers, although it doesn't always reward those who push the boundaries of their own understanding. You will find that if you work hard and do what it takes to get ahead in life your reward will be found within. Never put your hopes and trust in other people because their weakness will always let you down, instead look inward. As humans, we are constantly evolving and moving towards a great sense of being, a great sense of self. One's journey towards this ultimate sense of self is a difficult one in that it's road is lined with the obstacles of self doubt. Be true to yourself, and although you may not find material rewards, you will find that inner growth is the best way to achieve inner balance. Let it be known that in this world of fakery and normality one that finds his true self may be seen as a dangerous outsider. In this day and age uniqueness and individuality are all too often met with jealousy and anger. He who decides to stray away from the folk will find a lonely yet cathartic passage way that leads him deeper and deeper into his own self. One's truest power comes from within, for it is what accompanies us into this world and the last thing we feel when we expire and are no more.

"Strange times are these in which we live when old and young are taught in falsehoods school. And the one man that dares to tell the truth is called at once a lunatic and fool." - Plato

Live The Moment.
Make your weaknesses into strengths. Honor does not come only with the completion of a goal. It comes with the first step you take towards bettering yourself. "Most people prefer the certainty of misery to the misery of uncertainty"...Do not embrace such ignorance for it will leave you bitter and unhappy. Grasp those great moments and opportunities in the new days to come. They may bring you greatness if your time is well lived.

Life is a collection of moments, some less important others more. These moments will test your worth and define you and who you are forever. Understanding that these moments once lived become a part of your history. They become the building blocks of who we are and furthermore help us learn from whatever challenges we face. The lessons we learn in these crucial moments shape our understanding of ourselves and the world around us.

"Is it truly weakness that blankets the world? Or is it truth, beckoning beneath a vail of trivial uncertainty."
- Peter Pallis

In order to "live the moment well", one must first know exactly when he has entered it. One must visualize what must be done in order to live the moment well, playing it over and over in his mind until it becomes a part of his consciousness, and in a sense becomes common place to him. Then and only then will one's focus equal the task at hand. This act enables one to face the moment's challenges with confidence, a clear mind, and an ultimate understanding of what needs to be done. At this moment, all reality other than the one before him, becomes non existent. There is nothing else, only the challenge, only the moment.

"Whether you think you can, or you think you can't, you are right." - Henry Ford

"The best way to predict the future is to create it." - Peter F. Drucker

Thy Duties March.
A man stands upon his hill made of broken bones and hurtful heartaches and admires the golden day that shines upon him. His lord's light shines down and mends the pains of battles past, gone yet not forgotten. Then, as the gold turns to bronze and the bronze turns to gray, frowns fill the corners of his horizon. Clouds roar through the thunderous valleys of his existence and crackling lightening chills him to the very bone his mother earth created. But this is not the time for the running of men. This is a time for the venturing of the brave. For indeed this storm may bare heartaches, and beasts one could only imagine, but the thunder also bares the voices, and calls of his destiny. A test of souls. March into it and one may find his fate, run from it and it will chase you down forever, growing more powerful with every wind, with every roll. As he marches toward the viciousness, only one thought comes to mind: "Good days are lined with gold...Dark days are seeped in growth" Either way we win, whether we know it or not.

Without Challenge We Are Nothing.
Face the challenge, make the sacrifice and take the risk. These are the ways one strives to better himself and evolve into his most powerful self. Let it be known that those who oppose us are not our enemy. In many ways they are our teachers and our motivators.

Some may argue that without competition and challenges we are nothing. There would be no need to work hard, there would be no needs for pushing one's self, and most of all there would be no need for pride. Our competition in life makes us work to strengthen our minds and bodies. Do not fear the enemy, watch him, understand him, accept his challenge not in anger, but in pursuit of self-growth and in search of worldly understanding. Everything we come in contact with during our lifetime contains a source of information, something we can learn from and use to strengthen our own abilities.

Hill Of Greatness.
Great men fall from high peaks at the hands of those who look up to envy them. They kill their teachers so that they too can stand on the hill of greatness...Today's heroes are tomorrow's forgotten soldiers.

"He was a man, take him for all in all, I shall not look upon his like again." - William Shakespeare

The Man Atop the World.
They look at you, oh, man atop of the world and admire your space and accomplishments. God's light shines upon you and you gain the respect of men. They look to you with hopes that you might glance down upon them and that in some small way your grace might rub off on them. I look at you and only one thing comes to mind: "You're in my spot Motherfucker."

Life: The Ultimate Challenge.
One day you will face your ultimate challenge. Many people will not know that this challenge has come until they feel the pressure of its presence. Others will work toward this moment, planning for it and waiting to face it. For some, that ultimate challenge may be proving for his or her family and for others it may be become a champion.

One may face their ultimate challenge when they lose something they love. The pain in knowing that they will never see their loved one again, at least not in this life can be a difficult burden for one to bare. Sometimes people can never overcome this type of challenge because the loss and the pain is too great. There is no shame in such failures, only denial and sadness.

"Praising what is lost makes the remembrance dear." - William Shakespeare

All things have their time and as time passes, so do they. It is the most powerful of tragedies in that when a human life fades, so does its talents, its effect on the world, and its frailty. Gone forever only to live on in the memories of those who where there to witness that persons brilliance. As time passes and those who are left remembering a lost friend die then it is as if that lost person never was because all who remember him are no more. One day all are forgotten ... so what do we do in this time of challenge like no other? Do we accept its ability to take what it wants from us? Do we kneel before it and accept it for what will always be? the beast we could not tame? Some may do just that, others many not rest until they overcome it and use it as a way of learning about the world and strengthening their abilities to live life well. Either way like most things in life, it is the choice and the decisions we make that always come back to remind us of who we are, courageous or cowardice, weak or strong, wrong or right, brilliant or normal.

The Irony Of It All.
A path to achievement that brings obstacles and suffering leads to elation upon the achievement of the goal. The road to achievement through a clear path leads to nothing but a lack of appreciation for what one has accomplished.

Met You Your Match?
You never kneel do you? Even when you pray to the God in your sky you won't bend to both knees like the rest of your world does. Instead, you bend to one and hope he accepts your offering. But today is a different day. You've seen what your cruel world has to offer and it has left you questioning, hasn't it? Never have you seen such trickery, such suffer, such heartache, have you? "Met you your match," he said, with a smile that screamed of hopefulness. And you holding on to your bravery with claws of discontent answer: "Am I dead yet? Have I met my match?" Sir if such was true, I would not be the one to ask. You would have to ask the man who witnessed my downfall. Since their is no such man, no such creature, no such being, you should tend to your lose tongue before you meet yours.

Life: The Inegaustable Well?
Is life everlasting? The answer is plainly no, it is not. Our moments are numerous in this life, yet many do not take the time to witness the beauty and the majesty around them. Instead, they focus their minds and the precious time on the material aspects of life.

Look around you, life is happening everywhere, have you taken the time to notice? Look at the sky, its brightness and, at times, its menacing darkness, it is the truest form of bigness. Watch the clouds race, forming images that can only be viewed by the purest of imaginations. Watch the earth and the oceans, see how the water glistens in the light of our moon. Fell the cold wind blow its shiver gives you a sensation that only a truly living being could feel. Breathe in the cold air, feel it enter your body, and as its freeze fades back to inner warmth remember that you have been blessed with the gift of life. Understand that these great gifts can be taken from you at any time so while you are here, breathing and feeling, remember to take in all the wonder around you. Whether it be a lovers touch, a friend's smile, the pain of failure, the glory of success, or merely the smell in the air before the coming of a storm, appreciate it, for it may be the last time you get to savor it.

"Broken hearts make for unfocused minds." - Peter Pallis

Why Is There Pain?
Pain and hardship are the builders of the soul. Without them, your soul, mind, and body would not grow and strengthen during your steps in life. We are human, after all, we deal with pain. We learn not to make the same mistakes twice because of pain. Pain tests our sprit and shows others what we are made of. It shows our resiliency. Pain screams to you, telling you that you are indeed a living, breathing, and feeling thing. Yet we fear it and rightfully so because it also shows us that we are weak. We whimper and sigh in its prescience, some before the world for all to see, others behind closed doors, and still others only within their own hearts.

In my life, my story, all I've ever known is that nothing comes easy. I accept this as God's plane, his way of making me the man that I will eventually evolve to be. Suffer and you shall grow in mind and heart, and over the years I have done just that. For a long time I question myself and the reasons I felt this way, the reason I have to work hard, be better, and push myself further everyday. Maybe it was to ready myself for what was to be the best thing in my life, so when that wondrous person or moment arrived, I would then be able to recognize the greatness they exude.

Maybe the heartache and difficulties that I face as a child, and even as a young adult, were to assure that I realized that the world, as beautiful as it was, was a difficult and, at times, wicked place. A place were only few true flowers grew. So, in truth, my hardships were placed upon me not because I wasn't a good person or because I was cursed, but they were placed before me to teach me the meaning of goodness and truth. Seeing how people lied to each other and treated each other so badly really made me feel alone. I knew I wasn't like those people, yet because of this I felt that I had learned what was truly bad and what should be truly good. The fact that I had faced difficult challenges and people who were not what they seemed gave me a good idea of what indeed was unjust. It also made me equally aware of the good things in life and it helped me appreciate them for how truly rare they were.

Wisdom.
The world is overflowing with educated degenerates. The most knowledgeable man is the one who knows he has much to learn about himself and about the world around him. Wisdom comes with learning and understanding that there is still much to learn.

"I know nothing except the fact of my ignorance." - Socrates